Can't remember if I used this for a title once before, shows how well my brain is working these days doesn't it! LOL

 

Anyway, this past week has been rather interesting as I think I've covered in some of my previous entries. The last few days have been Even more interesting, what a range of emotions I can tell you.

 

I finally finished cleaning the house for moving day on friday, well, ok, not moving day, but completion, there is no-one there anymore, just a lot of empty rooms, granted, clean and tidy empty rooms which should all smell lemony fresh!

Once I had finished the cleaning and hoovering yesterday I packed everything into the car and walked back into the house, walked through every room and I actually took a picture or 2 of every room, just for memories sake.

 

It's funny what you leave behind though. The last room I walked round before leaving the house was my eldest daugthers room, I remembered her bedroom as it was (a pig sty norrmally) and her music blaring out full blast to high school musical or mama mia (god give me strength LOL) while she danced around her room having a whale of a time. But now, silence, echoy footsteps and I noticed on the wall that I had forgotton to take down her clock, she had wanted a clock in her bedroom for some time so she could know what time it was (obviously!) so we got her a clock, just a cheap clock and put it on her wall and taught her how to tell the time.

 

Well, that clock was still there, all alone in an empty room, I walked over to it and stopped, I couldn't take it down, I tried twice, reaching my hands up to take it off the wall but just couldn't bring myself to do it, she was so proud and pleased to have that clock up there I couldn't remove it now so I just stood there looking at it, watching the second hand tick past, logging off another minute, time passing by, it's amazing how my life has changed this year, couldn't believe how much and I contemplated this while staring at my daugthers clock in that empty room in that empty house.

 

Got me thinking about the future as well, and I know things are going to be tough for a long time, trying to find your feet again and some sense of normallity is a long process, plus from a finanical point of view I can see me making a habit of checking down the backs of sofas for any loose change 'cos I'm going to need all that I can get lol, but I'm sure I'll make it through somehow.

 

I've discovered that I have a life again as well and have been able to reconnect with a lot of friends that I hadn't seen and spoken to for a long time which was brilliant and also I've made new friends, some very special new friends as well which makes me smile, big cheesy smiles all the time!

 

As I was saying before I drifted off there, I was thinking all this while staring at the clock, the ticking sound of the second hand brought me back to reality and the here and now, but now I was smiling, instead of being sad walking through the house remembering the good times that once happened in this now sad, lonely, dark house, I remembered them and still now remember them with fondness and am glad that I experienced them.

 

So, I walked away from the clock to the door, turned off the light, stood there for a few seconds more listening to the sound of that second hand ticking by and then closed the door.

 

I'm now walking, sometimes stumbling, sometimes needing help from a lot of people but walking none the less, towards my future, a future which at the moment I can see being filled with the laughter of my children when I have them, spending as much time with them as I can, remembering what's important in life, your loved ones, not houses or cars. My future also being filled with new possibilities, opportunities and experiences (probably both good and bad).

 

At the moment, I'm feeling in a buoyant mood, I'm riding a wave (whether it takes me safely to shore or slams me into the water I don't know yet) and am waiting to see what happens next.

 

I closed the front door to the house, locked it, walked down the path to my car, turned, took one last look at my house, took a picture of it for memories sake, then I got into my car and I drove away, and I didn't............. I didn't look back!!

 

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